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Joke of the Day

"Snoop Dogg announced he's quitting rapping to open an ice cream shop. He's now known as Scoop Dogg."

"I wear my heart on my sleeve because if I wore it on my chest, it'd just get mustard stains on it."

"Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets."

"It's like my racist grandpa used to say: ""Good morning."" That unrepentant bigot had many flaws, but cordial salutations wasn't one of them."

"A man goes to the library and asks the librarian for a book on suicide, the librarian turns around and says ""fuck you, you wont bring it back"""

"Relationships are like houseplants, if they're mine they die"

"It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer."

"What is the name of the guy with no body and no nose? Nobody knows."

"How did Warren Buffets company survive the economic meltdown? It's a trade secret, but don't worry, Berkshire Hathaway"

"How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 1 to hold the bulb in place and 100 to spin the house around it."