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Joke of the Day

"I wear my heart on my sleeve because if I wore it on my chest, it'd just get mustard stains on it."

"Why shouldn't you put extra lettuce on your BLT? Because then you won't be able to fit into your B-E-L-T! killme.jpg"

"I've noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be."

"My Deaf girlfriend told me..... My Deaf girlfriend told me to fuck off. That's not a good Sign"

"whats the definition of a will? (lol come on guys its a dead giveaway)"

"Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me."

"What do you call disabled people that follow politics? A special interest group."

"I remember a time when I didn't get nostalgic after a few drinks .. I miss those days."

"The US government is taking Samsung to court. They're being charged with a fault in battery."

"There's always an Obama in relationships. The one that has to compromise, doesn't really get much credit, and never wins, no matter what."