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Joke of the Day

"So, I went out and had a few drinks.. I decided to take a bus home. So this morning I awoke and I don't know what to do with the bus parked in my driveway."

"What fills the entire volume of its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed? NYC subway commuters."

"you think YOU'RE tired. I'm even MORE tired for the reasons I'm about to list. This is a competition for some reason."

"Whats worse than 10 babies nailed to 1 tree? 1 baby nailed to 10 trees."

"WAYS TO KILL 2 BIRDS W/ 1 STONE 1 Ricochet 2 Retrieve, rethrow 3 Line up birds precisely 4 Huge boulder 5 Use lovebirds, 2nd dies of grief"

"If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?"

"Why is this wet? Just one of the fun games you get to play as a parent."

"Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? To make up for a bad summer."

"Anytime I see a person wrapped in a Snuggie, I think, that's a person I could easily set on fire."

"Whats the difference between being horny and hungry? The difference is where you put the cucumber."