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Joke of the Day

"Procrastination has taught me how to do 30 minutes of work in 8 hours and 8 hours of work in 30 minutes."

"When I see a flash mob in public I immediately join in to make it seem like they didn't practice enough."

"Text abbreviations date back to the days of the telegraph with common shorthand like DFMWOL for ""Dying From Musket Wound Out Loud."""

"Keep your friends close and your asthma inhaler closer."

"If life gives you melons... You're probably dyslexic"

"My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay. I got full marx."

"Other silverware probably hates the large spoon that wears skinny jeans, Keds, and thick rimmed glasses. Nobody likes a hipstirrer."

"I knew I was old when I opened internet explorer."

"My family crest is just a picture of my grandfather dressed up as a giant hotdog being dragged into a cave by a bear."

"Where can I get sweatpants that say ""ANXIETY"" on the ass?"