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Joke of the Day

"""I hate drama"" said the woman who continued to place herself squarely in the center of it."

"After a long day at work, I like to spend time at home with my liquor cabinet oh and my wife I guess and that thing that poops."

"[baby takes its first steps] me in a cop outfit: not even close to a straight line buddy, you're going away for a long long time."

"Two Na atoms are together on the battlefield... One of them gets shot. ""I've been hit!"" he yells. The other one looks at him. ""Are you sure?"" He replies, ""I'm positive!"""

"If six years of marriage has taught me anything its that couches are surprisingly comfortable to sleep on."

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the person whose name I've forgotten."

"What do you call a religious bird? A bird of prey."

"When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!"

"Why can't you take a shower with a pokemon? Cause they'll Pikachu"

"Him: 'Sorry Mr Hill, no last minute call from the Governor. Any last words?' Me: -whimpering 'She squeezed the toothpaste from the middle'"