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Joke of the Day

"When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!"

"Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? In a cat-alogue!"

"Clinton is so crooked... She needs a Kaine for support. (Credit to: /u/medically)"

"My girlfriend dreamt that I slept with her friend... So I tried to reassure her. I said, ""Baby. Please. That's crazy - I have never slept with your friend. Trust me, you've never even met the girl""."

"What's it called when a transgender person hooks up with an Asian? A Trans Pacific Partnership"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The P is silent."

"I undo his overall strap & slide it off a barely perceptible shoulder. I pull his steel work goggle down around his ""neck"" ""BanaNA"" he moans"

"You know what's funny? Lots of shit so lighten the fuck up."

"I have one alcoholic beverage and they call me an alcoholic But when I have a Fanta, no one calls me fantastic."

"A Mexican magician says... ...that he'll disappear on the count of three. ""Uno... dos..."" **POOF!!** He disappeared without a tres."