132764

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants??? One is a crusty bus station and one is a busty crustacean:D"

"My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he's attempting to get his hoodie back. He's in for one hell of a life lesson."

"What's the most believed oxymoron? Peaceful muslims"

"How many 3rd wave feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Whats the point? 3rd wave feminists can't take a joke anyway."

"Crazy episode of Judge Judy on right now. This guy was a month late on his rent and she just gave him the electric chair."

"I'm only racist when I'm driving."

"My dad told me they once had to cancel a football season because John Madden ate all of the footballs."

"*therapist writes in pad* Me: Sometimes I feel like people don't notice me- *therapist jumps* Therapist: SHIT! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?"

"Friend: ""What's a good movie?"" Me: ""Snakes on a plane"" Friend: ""Whats it about?"" Me: ""Horses... horses on a boat"""

"[date shouting over music on the dance floor]: WHY ARE YOU HOLDING TWO CORN DOGS? Me: BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY HANDS!"