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Joke of the Day

"If someone offered you drugs, always say yes because drugs are expensive Jk stay in school kids"

"What do you call a limp snake? An ereptile dysfunction."

"What do you call a magician in a Dr. Seuss book? Who-dini"

"I have nothing to eat All i have is a bunch of old vegetables, but all they do is talk about Vietnam."

"gf: Daddy me: don't call me that it's creepy gf: Sorry Baby me: that's better"

"Just another day grabbing random children by the shoulders and screaming ""I'M YOU FROM THE ""FUTURE!"" in their faces.."

"I'm sorry that you invited me over to your apartment for dinner and I created a negative Yelp review about the experience"

"If one ex was drowning and the other was dangling from a cliff-edge and you had one set of ropes to save them....where would you hide it?"

"Interviewer: your resume says you were a waiter Me: yes that's right Interviewer: where at Me: out in the lobby right before this interview"

"You have the perfect face for radio."