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Joke of the Day

"If one ex was drowning and the other was dangling from a cliff-edge and you had one set of ropes to save them....where would you hide it?"

"Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder for the simple fact that his roundhouse kicks are recognized world-wide as ""acts of God."""

"What did Joan Rivers say to God when she arrived? Get a new robe!"

"The 'C word' My girlfriend hates it when I say the ""C word"". This one time, we were watching Spongebob and I'm like ""hey, its 'C word'!"" and shes like ""it's Squidward, you cunt"""

"So I'm going to start a business offering landscaping, painting, moving and other handy man services called Manuel labor"

"I climaxed on a blind girl's boobs yesterday She didn't see it coming"

"Why are manhole covers round? Because if they were square, you couldn't play twiddlywinks with them."

"What did the deer say when the sportsman asked if he wanted to go hunting? I'm game."

"BREAKING: Police are trying to rescue a cow lost in a cannabis field. The steaks have never been higher."

"Can't figure out if my dad is defusing a bomb or trying to answer his cell phone. It's tense! ""The green one dad, not the Red one!"""