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Joke of the Day

"Just another day grabbing random children by the shoulders and screaming ""I'M YOU FROM THE ""FUTURE!"" in their faces.."

"I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder."

"I've been having a bad feeling lately.. I think one of my dads might be gay."

"Lobster Tail & Beer. My three favourite things."

"Boy: Dad dad there's a spider in the bath. Dad: What's wrong with that? You've seen spiders before. Boy: Yes but this one is three feet wide and using all the hot water!"

"What is a shitzu? A zoo with no animals."

"The fun way to tell if a celebrity is crazy is by how many times they delete and reactivate their Twitter account."

"I bought some hard cider yesterday... but I'm still waiting for it to melt."

"I got in touch with my inner self today That's the last time I buy single-ply toilet paper."

"What's brown and sticky? Muhammed Ali opening a can of coke"