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Joke of the Day

"Did you guys hear about the guy that just became the first Muslim country singer to get signed to a label? His name is Keith Turban"

"If you're feeling down about yourself, it won't help you to know that Honey Boo Boo makes more money than school teachers."

"What's the difference between a rectal and an oral thermometer? The taste."

"scientist 1: how did you discover that dolphins have sex for pleasure? scientist 2: [flashback to the craziest night of their life] math"

"I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?"

"""Daddy why is Santa's sack so big?"" daughter asked, ""because he only comes once a year darling""."

"If I had a nickle for every time I heard the word Diversity at the Oscars.. I still wouldn't give a shit."

"My daughter told me to treat her like a princess... so I made her marry a man she has never met before in order to secure an alliance with France."

"LPT: Don't trust everything you read on Facebook Unless it's the pope endorsing Trump. That definitely happened."

"[buying cucumber and vaseline] me: got an awesome night planned clerk: eugh [later, eating a cucumber and vaseline sandwich] this is awful"