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Joke of the Day

"My friend's mouth and tongue were blistering and burning after eating tacos last night... serves him right! I told him not to eat Mexican."

"I tried smuggling child porn across the border once.... and i would've gotten away with it if it weren't for those fucking kids!"

"Would I miss my leg or my arm more? (me, lying in bed, deciding which to put outside the blanket for the monster under the bed to rip off)"

"I hope that fat guy didn't notice me glancing at the weight limit sign on the elevator just now. Or clearing my throat and pointing at it."

"Woman's Logic: Bikini No problem. Bra and underwear: OMG DON'T LOOK!!!"

"I almost got raped in jail I think my family takes monopoly way too seriously"

"Why couldn't the alligator send e-mails on his PC? Because it was on old croc."

"An Interview with a Master Ninja When questioned on whether he thought his pupil could win his upcoming training match the Sensei had this to say: ""Shuriken""."

"I heard Matt Damon took it real hard when he heard Robin Williams died. I just hope he remembers. It's not your fault. It's not your fault..."

"Just had sex in an Apple Orchard. I came in cider."