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Joke of the Day

"[magician rolls over in bed] ""Last night was amazing"" Woman: Magical. Make me breakfast? Magician: [waves magic wand, eats her]"

"What did the memory say to the processor? If you apply a voltage to me, I'm going to flip a bit!"

"My wife keeps complaining about her nine to five job I must admit, 4:51 is a strange time to start work"

"I once dated a guy who left a trail of rose petals leading to a sinkful of dirty dishes."

"""Should I add more liquor?"" is the most ridiculous question I've ever been asked."

"What is harder said than done? Your mom"

"They say being a hostage is hard But I could do that with my hands tied behind my back."

"That moment when you realize you can't ignore someones message on Facebook anymore because it shows that you've read it."

"Someone once asked me if I trust boobs... ...I said ""I put my faith in them"""

"If you've been unemployed for a while, update your resume to say youve been a Blockbuster manager for the last decade. HOW WOULD THEY KNOW!?"