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Joke of the Day

"[magician rolls over in bed] ""Last night was amazing"" Woman: Magical. Make me breakfast? Magician: [waves magic wand, eats her]"

"I like to imagine the person who originated Head & Shoulders shampoo had really, really hairy shoulders."

"my cornflakes bring all the boys to my yard & theyre like this cereals hard damn right my cereals hard u should add milk so its not so sharp"

"Girl likes 'boys with accents <333' on Facebook. I charge at her. ""HELLOUGH!! I AM HELMUT, FROM RUSSIA. I WORK AS STRANGLER AT MEAT FACTORY"""

"I want to go to the afterlife to ask Robin Williams, ""How's it hanging?"" I'm not sorry."

"So Charlie Sheen is HIV Positive... Looks like all the tiger blood was tainted."

"Why did the dog have a gleam in his eye? Someone bumped his elbow while he was brushing his teeth."

"Ebola gives new meaning to the phrase 'Eat Shit and Die.' Credit to my brother for coming up with that one!"

"Technology.( Based on true events) My apple watch reminded me to take a minute to breathe right after my grandfather let one rip."

"Football is like sex By the end of it you'll be bruised, battered, and sore; but hey at least your dad came."