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Joke of the Day

"My car has started clicking at me. I think it's trying to tell me something, but the jokes on him, I don't speak a single African language."

"This question is only for the fellas: You ever kick back in your man cave and think about what a strong feminist ally you are?"

"""Well boy,"" I yell to my dog, seated in the basket of my pushbike as we plummet to the rocks below, ""naming you E.T. clearly wasn't enough."""

"Don't trust atoms. Seriously, don't. They make up everything."

"Why do robots make bad boyfriends? They just screw, nut, then bolt."

"A man goes to the hospital with 6 plastic horse up his butt. The doctors described his condition as stable."

"Why aren't there more women in STEM? Because they're stupid and illiterate."

"*my casket slowly begins lowering into the ground* me, knocking from inside: ""Wait, I have to pee."""

"He whispered in my ear that he liked being called daddy. I whispered back that I liked being called a cab."

"I had some good news today; a TV Station have commissioned my new show about what goes on inside a cockpit. We're filming the pilot next week."