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Joke of the Day

"I was having sex with my girlfriend... ... and I said to her, ""Woman, you've got no tits and your pussy is too tight."" She grunted,""Get off my back."""

"What does Brokeback Mountain and the NFL have in common? The cowboys both suck."

"The other day, a frog jumped underneath my lawmower.. I guess he was trying to *kermit* suicide."

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss... but you won't miss. You've trained your whole life for this. Take the shot. Kill the moon."

"Thanks to home security commercials, I am now terrified of middle aged white men."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping? Its ok, They're awake now"

"I bought a spray bottle to break my girlfriend of looking at her phone when I'm speaking. I hide it after use so she doesn't know who did it"

"What do you call an ion that also raps? Fluoride, duh."

"Did you hear the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stays up all night wondering if dog exists."

"What's the worst way to convince an officer who's pulled you over not to ticket you? ""You can have my beer if you let me go."""