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Joke of the Day

"What's the worst way to convince an officer who's pulled you over not to ticket you? ""You can have my beer if you let me go."""

"What did the optimist say to his doctor when he found out he had lung cancer? ""Well, I'll deal with this asbestos I can!"""

"Robin: ""Let me drive the Batmobile!"" Batman: ""Never. I'd rather let Superman."" *wall breaks down* Superman: ""OMG really??"" Batman: ""No."""

"What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil? Pre-tanned leather."

"I'm thinking about going on a day trip but I just don't know where to get the LSD"

"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason."

"What is an autograph? A chart which shows car sales."

"What is the recipe for honeymoon salad? Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes"

"One comedian on Britain's got talent brought on wrapped boxes. He said he wanted to have on stage presence."

"Sarah Palin being on a climate change panel with Bill Nye is like Sarah Palin being on a climate change panel with Bill Nye."