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Joke of the Day

"Dammit, this spermicide didn't work at all. My kids are still here and now they won't stop whining about their eyes burning"

"A boy goes to a strip club. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see? Boy: Yes, I saw dad!"

"How is Wolverine's love life similar to a mishap at the laundromat? Someone else goes home with their Jeans."

"Beef farmers in Washington are fighting to protect their cattle, whose water supply has been tainted with THC from the marijiana industry The steaks have never been higher"

"Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. They went through 110 stories in 10 seconds."

"I don't want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas."

"All subjects can be funny with the right delivery, Except abortion jokes. Which by definition have no delivery."

"I am realistically only 1 crossbow away from accidentally killing someone with a crossbow."

"Frankenstein: Master go fishing? Igor: Yes. F: Master take worms? I: Yes. F: Master put on hook? I: Yup. F: Hehe...Master ba- I: Just don't."

"Until you lean in to hear a seven-year-old's whisper, you don't realize that front teeth act as a retaining wall for spit."