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Joke of the Day

"Why was Teddy Roosevelt mean to horses? He was a rough rider!"

"How can you tell if someone voted Green Party? Don't worry, they'll fucking tell you."

"What did the Zune say to the iPod? You da real MP3."

"What does Wayne Gretzky's wife call him? ""Wayne"""

"In my 32 years this is what I've learned about women: 1.) ""No"" means no 2.) ""Maybe"" means no 3.) ""Yes"" means maybe"

"I'm invincible. I can not be Vinced"

"What does a 12 year old redneck girl say when she loses her virginity? Get off me dad, you're crushing my smokes!"

"What is Shrek's most annoying problem? Swamp Ass."

"Fred: let's settle this once and for all! *fred rips my face away revealing bloody skull* Velma: he wasn't wearing a mask! Fred: I know."

"Just before I die, I'm going to change my name to OFF'. That way, when the hearse is driving to the church, it will have displayed on top of my coffin in flowers: R.I.P. OFF"