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Joke of the Day
"How can you tell if someone voted Green Party? Don't worry, they'll fucking tell you."
Next Joke
"The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work."
"I've decided to sell my hoover... well, well, it was just collecting dust."
"""Mah son's real smart!"" crowed the redneck mother to an acquaintance. ""He's only six but he can already spell his name backwards and forwards!"" ""What's his name?"" asked the friend. ""Bob."""
"If Royce Da 5'9 gave up his career in rapping.. He'd become Royce Da 9-5. ^^^^Mixed ^^^^up ^^^^the ^^^^numbers ^^^^last ^^^^time."
"What do you call a dinosaur with too much power? A tyrant-osaurus rex!       I'll see myself out..."
"Told my friends that I was qualified to give them Botox injections. I raised a few eyebrows."
"They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away... Steve Jobs proved this one wrong."
"Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: In a mirror probably unless new technology exists. [interviewer thinking] holy smokes he's good"
"And I thought I hated Mondays.... But Robin Williams really! Hated Mondays"