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Joke of the Day

"How many beans are in Irish bean soup? Two-thirty-nine. One more and it'd be too farty."

"I just bought my wife some new eyes, a new nose and a new mouth... I can't wait to see her face when she opens them."

"What do u call a bad jokester? Matteo"

"Astronaut: wtf is this NASA: it's space food A: I specifically asked for only Milky Way bars N: look we get it but- A: no no I'm coming down"

"I ordered a book called ""How to relieve stress"" My goodness, for the life of me I really hope that it arrives on time. And that it's useful. And that the delivery man doesn't dislike me."

"Dad Joke - Did the melon get married without permission? No, it Cantelope."

"I'd advise you graduates to keep your graduation gown. It's the only outfit you might not outgrow."

"""Why are the balloon bouquets more expensive than packaged balloons? It's just air!"" Exactly ""What?"" It's inflation ""I hate you"""

"My sister said I'm being immature. I guess she isn't getting her nose back"

"What's the opposite of the constitution? The prostitution."