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Joke of the Day

"""She lived a long, long life. And saw basically nothing."" - eulogy for a cat"

"I had so much sex... and I was so sexually drained, you could say I was fucking retarded."

"Don't be a doormat, be an electric fence."

"Knock Knock, Who's there? Fuckin' Jenny. Now gild me and give me upvotes."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? so it could get to the other side"

"How many Heisenbergs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? If you know the number, you don't know where the socket is."

"What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph, because he is not a full essay."

"Go ahead, call the cops, lady. I got ten witnesses that'll say your baby kicked me first."

"A girl from the office is trying to get me fired for sexual harassment because I've been giving her ""inappropriate massages during work"" I said, Good luck sweetheart. I don't even work here."

"If a genie grants you 3 wishes, use the first one to make the genie develop short term memory loss, and then keep making 2nd wishes forever."