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Joke of the Day

"Hilary Clinton goes to a psychic. The soothsayer tells her, ""Your husband will die a horrible violent death."" Hilary asks, ""Will I be acquitted?"""

"It's funny how certain scents can bring back memories of people we associated with those scents like how I remember my ex every time I take a shit."

"What do you call a silly, apathetic German boy? Agoofaloofagus"

"I like to stand in crowded elevators facing the wrong way with a confused look on my face, and finally exclaim, ""Oh, it's an ELEVATOR."""

"Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? Because he got hit by a truck."

"Fatboy Slim announced that he's releasing a monthly cookie delivery service It's called 'Snack My Bitch Up.'"

"If you have a crush on someone, walk right up to them, then a little past them and avoid them altogether it's probably not worth it."

"Woman across from me will NOT shut up about her where she works. Ugh, I hate job interviews."

"A Jew and an American are sitting on a bus... The Holocaust denier farts. The Jew says, ""That's gross!"" The Holocaust denier says, ""What, a little gas never killed anyone."""

"Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones"