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Joke of the Day

"I like to stand in crowded elevators facing the wrong way with a confused look on my face, and finally exclaim, ""Oh, it's an ELEVATOR."""

"Today, I'm going to give it my some."

"The Sun's probably Asian."

"What do mermaids wear to math class? An algae-bra!"

"My friend asked what would get black walnut stains off of his driveway I told him to call a cheap motel. If anyone would know how to remove nut stains it would be them."

"Did you hear about the cannibal who tried eating his clone? He was getting ahead of himself."

"Just found some clothes my ex left here. Perfect timing since I'm out of toilet paper."

"If you're head of the CIA and can't hide an extramarital affair it means it can't be done. Case closed, fellas."

"TIME TRAVELER: I'm here from the future ME: Really? Who wins the election? TT: Omg it's such a disgrace ME: You need to be more specific"

"What's the difference between your wife and your job? After 5 years your job still sucks."