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Joke of the Day

"A male prison guard asks a woman on death row what she would like for her last meal. She replies, ""I don't know, what do you want to eat?"""

"My wife told me that I am very controlling. She'll stay locked in the closet with the dog collar on until she apologizes for her comment."

"I am part of the 1% Well, at least my cell phone battery is."

"My New Year's resolution for 2017 was to lose 10 pounds. Only 12 more to go."

"Just got real sweaty because I started thinking about a babe in an ankle-length all denim overall dress"

"If the pen is mightier than the sword... ... Then why do actions speak louder than words?"

"Pokemon Go is just like Grindr... but for kids. And you try and catch Pokemon instead of catching AIDS."

"Why is your shit tapered? So your asshole don't slam shut."

"Q. What did the fog say to the light rain after her vacation? A. I mist you."

"[laser tag] Instructor: Dude, you're not gonna run out of ammo Me [strapping bayonet to the end of gun]: let's just agree to disagree"