1319

Joke of the Day

"A Jewish girl.. ..asks her father, ""Dad? Can I have 50 dollars?"" he says, ""40 dollars? What do you need 30 dollars for?"""

"Girl, you're just like hell... because I'd kill to enter you."

"Driving I hate when I'm driving at a reasonable fucking speed and some asshole behind me is frantically trying to get around me. Oh you have to go put out a fire? We all have places to go buddy."

"What kind of STD does a blonde woman give you? Herp-n-derp-es"

"Isaac Newton couldn't become a surgeon ... because blood is non-Newtonian!"

"What would you call it if Hitler was mad? inFUHRERiated."

"Girls: just remember each morning when you put on makeup, somewhere in the world a clown is starting his day doing exactly the same thing."

"What's the difference between the Foo Fighters and Nickleback? Nickleback sucks."

"What do my girlfriend and Jesus have in common? Not sure if either of them came once, but I know they haven't come a second time."

"R.E.M.'s ""Everybody Hurts"" should automatically play every time anyone takes the first bite into a microwaveable burrito."