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Joke of the Day

"Isaac Newton couldn't become a surgeon ... because blood is non-Newtonian!"

"Ruth wasn't invited to the party. The people at the party were ruthless."

"When a cop asks if you know why they pulled you over, smile, take their hand in yours and say, ""Sounds like somebody needed a friend"""

"Why did the T-Rex's girlfriend leave him? Because he said he only loved her this much (hold out t-rex like arms) Sorry this one requires a bit of a visual, but I thought you guys might like it"

"It's going to take 14 years to put Harriet on the $20? I've got a friend in Chesterfield Square who can print some off in an hour.."

"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants... The bartender looks over and says, ""Get the fuck out of my bar, we're sick of hearing this goddamn joke."""

"It's like squirrels don't even know how good they'd be at parkour."

"what's a political campaign we can all get behind? gay rights"

"I started an alcohol based diet. I feel great! I've already lost 4 or 5 days! Not OC, unsure of source."

"What if balloons take over and start twisting us into animal shapes?"