131839

Joke of the Day

"Woman of my dreams My wife asked this morning, ""How come you don't wake up with an erection?"" I replied, ""Because you're the woman of my dreams."""

"A blonde woman one read that over 70% of car accidents happened within 15 minutes of home... She decided it'd be safer to live somewhere else."

"A man walks into a bar... A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: ""A beer please, and one for the road."""

"I just spent 15 minutes searching for my phone in my room, using my phone as a flashlight..."

"What do you do when your girlfriend starts smoking? You slow down and use lube ( )"

"Never confuse a Kiwi with an Aussie. One's a soft, hairy fruit and the other's a Kiwi!"

"What are Mario's overalls made of? denim denim denim (pronounced with the Mario underground theme)"

"midterms and finals are like prayers to god. i never get answers."

"Boys are cute how they're all ""I like girls that don't wear heavy makeup"" and ""get down from that tree near my window or I'll call the cops"""

"What doesn't kill you isn't earning the money I paid."