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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about that car company having to shut down? It was a saab story."

"How do you know when you're at a gay picnic? The hot dogs taste like shit."

"I've never been on Jeopardy, but I have put a 4yo to bed, so I know what it's like to be asked about things you never even heard of."

"MOVIE LINES Don't you hate it when you have to wait in lines I wanted to see a movie the other day and the line was huge. Next time I'm going to download off the internet."

"Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant. Jesus: A table for 26, please. Headwaiter: But there's only . . . um, 13 of you. Jesus: Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."

"Why is Han Solo a loner? Because he's solo."

"I saved a bunch on my car insurance by making the switch.. To reverse and driving away from the accident"

"What do I have that FC Barcelona doesn't? A semi"

"Where did Santa meet his wife? Conjunction Junction. They specialize in hooking up words, phrases, and Clauses"

"Risky behavior in my 20s involved sex drugs & alcohol. At 30, ""risky"" is eating spicy food after 9pm and not lifting w/ my knees."