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Joke of the Day

"Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10."

"My girlfriend is sick of me pretending that I'm a lockpicker. Girlfriend: ""I'm sick of you pretending you're a lockpicker. We should break it off."" Me: ""But then it might get stuck inside the lock!"""

"How did Vikings send secret messages? By Norse code!"

"What's the difference between your mom and the subway? Homeless guys have to pay $2.50 to jerk off on the subway."

"My friend asked why I have a folder named ""dick pics"" I told him because nobody will open it and find my porn."

"When you complain about dropping your phone remember that there are people who are starving who'll totally make you another one."

"Two guys were playing a game.... Guy 1 says ""Game"" Guy 2 lost the game You're guy 2 You lost the game"

"things I'm passionate about: The Rule of Threes, self referential humor, and the Oxford comma."

"What's the difference between and egg and a wank? You can beat an egg."

"In Theory... In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they never are."