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Joke of the Day

"If I had $1 every time somebody called me a racist... Black people would rob me!"

"Did you hear the one about Bernie Sanders? Probably not, the /r/politics mods deleted it before anyone saw."

"My wife is enjoying the attention I've been giving her lately & though painting a phone on her face is inconvenient, it's saved our marriage"

"Three guys walk into a bar... John Wick kills them with a pencil. A fucking pencil."

"What do you do after you've just licked the softest, sweetest, pussy in the world? Put it back in the crib."

"I hate hipsters Their vegan diets, whiskery faces, tiny feet, and sawdust bedding. Oh wait, hamsters, I hate hamsters"

"Two guys playing poker. One guy not doing anything. Why? He was cardboard."

"If you went camping and woke up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone? If not, do you wanna go camping?"

"Do you like sex on tv? I tried once, but I fell off."

"Define ""no more Twitter or I will leave you."""