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Joke of the Day

"Quick question Do clippers games count as sold out if the stadium is three fifths full?"

"JK Rowling has written an explanation on Pottermore for a spell that makes your legs fall off It's called the Pistorious spell."

"What's the difference between a women's track team and a bunch of African pygmies? The African pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts. The women's track team are a bunch of running cunts."

"What did the worker ant say when the queen ant asked him to make mittens for all of the other ants? *Fuck.*"

"Why did God make man before woman? You need a rough draft before you have a final copy."

"It's crazy how tornadoes know which states don't matter to us."

"I lost my laptop on the beach yesterday Now it's a dell, rolling in the deep"

"What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend? It's a dead letter day."

"The Samsung Galaxy S7 walks into a bar... But it isn't waterproof so it breaks."

"Porn has lied to me. The repairman doesn't show up instantly after I call."