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Joke of the Day

"I speak 4 languages: English, Profanity, Sarcasm, and Real shit."

"What did the left leg say to the right leg? Between me and you, we need a haircut. (I got this from some UK magazine years ago)"

"Joke stealing is not a laughing matter That's why I don't steal unfunny jokes."

"How much coke did Charlie Sheen snort? Enough to kill two and a half men."

"[meeting at amc network] ""Okay so how can we make everyone in Walking Dead look like they smell even worse this season?"""

"I had to fire my receptionist today. There was just no connection."

"I eat the first half of a burrito to get full, I eat the second half to teach myself a lesson"

"Hardcore Ramen: drink boiling water, swallow dried noodle block, snort flavor packet."

"Why did the football player tackle the phone booth? To get his quarter back! Hahahahahha"

"What is the origin of black jewish people? The oven."