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Joke of the Day

"Damn, it feels good to be a gangster. Or going to a 7am meeting where my client will ream my ass and I'll just suck up to him. Whatever."

"What is Whitney Houston's best kind of coordination? Hand EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEE"

"I work in a deli and put my cock in the bagel slicer. I got fired... ... and so did she."

"What do you tell someone who occupies space and has mass? You matter."

"It started snowing so everyone ran over to the window to see. I went and banged their heads against the window. Most fun I've had all day."

"If you send more than one Facebook invitation to the same thing, I will come & shit right in the middle of whatever it is."

"do you like icecream? then maybe you should marry it"

"What do you call it when plants bang? Floral sex."

"Sounds like its time to get that Enterprise built!"

"Why do Jews try avoiding Jewpiter? Because its a gas planet! Its also why Hitlers gas bills were so high. *i intentionally said Jewpiter instead of Jupiter*"