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Joke of the Day

"There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris."

"Its funny how your parents tell you its their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too."

"Your baby's cute. Not baby elephant cute, but still cute."

"It makes sense why women hate premature ejaculation so much Our whole lives we're taught that nothing worth having comes easy."

"I've got a dick like a baby 8lbs 3oz"

"What does a single, gay person watch at christmas? Homo alone!"

"Had a 6"" sammich from subway today, and it totally didn't fill me up. I get it now ladies, and I'm so, so sorry."

"Did you know you can order a taco at a Japanese restaurant? I hope you like octopus."

"My girlfriend is sick of me pretending that I'm a lockpicker. Girlfriend: ""I'm sick of you pretending you're a lockpicker. We should break it off."" Me: ""But then it might get stuck inside the lock!"""

"Misunderstood gift! My lesbian neighbours gave me a rolex for my birthday. Really sweet of them, but i think they misunderstood when I said ""I wanna watch"""""