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Joke of the Day

"My bf asked me to act like a ""naughty school girl"" for him so I forged a note from my mom saying I don't have to participate."

"I saw a shop called Lasting Impressions, they sell brass knuckles."

"Why did EA Cross the road? Buy the season pass now to find out!"

"[NSFW] I'm trying this new thing where I don't beat off It's hard"

"What did the secretary say to Bill Clinton after his inauguration speech? Wow, that was quite a mouthful."

"Clean tweeting is liberating. You don't need profanity to make a point. Look: Tell her she has beautiful eyes. Female dogs love that poopy."

"Him: Let's grill this steak Me: *slams table, screams at steak* WHO SOLD YOU THE DRUGS Him: that's not- Me: Refusing to talk? BIG MISTEAK"

"Twitter is like a conversation at the water cooler. If the water cooler was full of vodka. And you could smoke. And the boss was out of town"

"It has come to my attention that some of you are eating the bottom half of cupcakes. That is the peel, people. Know your fruit."

"dddddddddd ddddddddd dddddddddd ddd ddddddd ddddd dddd Sorry my keyboard was broken. I fixed it by giving my keyboard some Prozac because it was d-pressed."