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Joke of the Day
"Why did EA Cross the road? Buy the season pass now to find out!"
Next Joke
"*sits 27 hours for an oil on canvas portrait* omg delete that. Bartholomew i'm serious do not fucking hang that in the Great Hall"
"Life hack: ask telemarketers and phone scammers to go steady seconds into the conversation and never be bothered again OR now you found love"
"wife: We really need to start teaching 9 some manners me: *shoving an entire Pop-Tart in my mouth and spitting crumbs everywhere* I agree"
"I have exponential spelling but terrible malapropism"
"Why shouldn't you buy a Unionmade watch? For every day it's working, it will break twice, yet still skips ahead half an hour while you're eating lunch."
"If Bruce Willis does any more Die Hard movies it will just be 90 minutes of him sitting in a rocking chair waiting to die from the flu."
"Got disoriented and walked into the wrong classroom. Didn't want to look stupid so I just went ahead and switched majors."
"This homeless guy asked me for money, I was like ""I don't think so, not with that ugly voice"""
"What did the county Sheriff say about the black man who was shot 15 times? ""Worst case of suicide I've ever seen"""