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Joke of the Day

"I tear the plastic off of dry cleaning with the same intensity Hulk Hogan ripped off his tiny yellow tanktops."

"Today I woke up to a blow job.. ..never falling asleep with my mouth open again."

"The only thing I have to offer men is that I don't ask questions during a movie."

"Happy Birthday Girlfrien. I didn't put the D because you'll get that later."

"The only time my car goes 0-100 real fast. Is when it's sitting in broad daylight on a summer day."

"How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'"

"What does Sean Connery surf on the Internet? Reddish."

"Did you hear about Kurt Cobain's new album? He did a cover of The Wall by Pink Floyd"

"My wife got very upset at the funeral the other day, wailing and thumping the coffin with her fists And Jeeeeez, you should've heard her when she went in the furnace."

"Saint Peter: Name M: David SP: You're in M: Even after that night in Nogales?! SP *winks* *takes a step* *trap door opens* SP: Sucka!"