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Joke of the Day

"You haven't truly made it on Twitter until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph."

"I was told that at birth I had a choice between perfect memory or a big penis. ""I fucking remember"" i replied"

"Punctuation is important... A missed period should always raise alarm."

"I asked my Pharmacist for advice on telling a rash joke.. he told me to make it topical."

"How much blow can Charlie sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men."

"What does a belt like to do? Getting Waisted"

"Want proof advertising works? I just bought a Goodyear blimp."

"Getting to know someone is a lot like making toast; don't do it in the bathtub."

"A man goes to a halloween party wearing nothing but his pants The host asks, "" Hey, what the fuck are you supposed to be?"" The man replies, ""I am a premature ejaculation"""

"Vaccines are an inside jab."