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Joke of the Day

"If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning and you could only save one of them would you go to lunch or read the paper?"

"A joke my kid told me today. Him: dad guess who is the smallest family in the world? Me: I don't know, who? Him: the atoms family. Not bad for 7 years old."

"I'm no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales."

"cut a hole in the bottom of my tub of popcorn while on a date so when she goes for some she accidentally grabs a copy of my mixtape"

"My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60... Now hes 97 years old and we have no idea where he is..."

"ME: So are you gonna put it in me or what NURSE: Sir it's a blood draw please stop saying that"

"If you get your phone wet, put it in a bag of rice overnight Eventually an Asian will come and fix it"

"We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY *glares at coffin* couldn't stay alive."

"Save the whales Collect the whole set. seen on a bumper sticker in PDX"

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth when he was eating a slice of pizza? He ate it before it was cool"