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Joke of the Day

"Do hairy people get bed head all over? Ma'am, I just called to see if you're happy with your cell phone provider. But probably they do."

"I was a bit of a nerd in high school. Instead of chasing girls I was studying philosophy My friends always said that I put Descartes before the whores."

"Someone's just thrown a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me. I only received super fish oil injuries."

"Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty."

"What's the difference between a penis and a bonus? The wife always blows the bonus."

"My girlfriend told me that my dick is two inches bigger than her ex's. And that is why she will never go back into a lesbian relationship."

"I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you're talking about BABIES?"

"Why would you never starve in the desert? Because of all the sandwiches there."

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank hot chocolate before it was cool."

"Jack is a big part of all of us. He's the best friend we've never had. We spend most of our time doing Jack shit, drinking Jack and Jacking off. Thanks for the memories."