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Joke of the Day

"I had the shingles on my house redone, and the contractor lied to me about his pricing. I was expecting it to be done for free; he said it was going to be on the house."

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"Q: What does an Irishman have for dinner? A: Starvation. Q: And what does he have for dessert? A: Ethnic cleansing."
"Why do Leprechauns always laugh as they run across a field? The grass tickles their balls"
"Just got kicked out of Chipotle for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line."
"What's the difference between Toddlers & Tiaras and a scat fetish? One's fucking shit, and the other is a scat fetish. Just made it up, wondered how you guys thought it would be."
"It's pretty cool how Atheist prayers are just thoughts about actually doing something useful."
"Pluto is not a planet He's a dyslexic god"
"Selfish Girls When I was a kid. Many girls want to kiss me I Allowed. But Now... I want To Kiss Many Girls but They Don't Allow me."
"I'm a man trapped outside a woman's body."
"What's the difference between Jimmy Fallon and myself? I can get through a Jimmy Fallon joke without laughing."