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Joke of the Day
"I tried to eat a clock once... But it was too time consuming."
Next Joke
"A guy in line next to me just asked me to hold his coffee and I'm like I'm not looking for anything serious right now."
"You really gotta hand it to short people because they usually can't reach it anyways."
"Pope joins twitter. Quits being Pope. Takes twittercide to a whole new level. Your move, drama queens."
"My friends said I looked kinda like Hitler from the side I'm laterally Hitler"
"My kid just randomly recited my wife's cell phone number that we had no idea he knew. Now we're getting fitted for suits and hitting Vegas."
"""dad, why do people say they have green fingers when their fingers are not green""? ""well son, its a saying. just like when you say someone was caught red handed, when their hand is actually black"""
"What you you call a girl you meet on Reddit? You don't."
"Knock Knock Who's there? Interrupting cow Interrupt... MOOOOOOOO!! (Kids seem to love this one)"
"I wasn't sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and sh*t myself."