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Joke of the Day

"when I was little, I drugged the milk to catch Santa. Next morning I found my dad passed out on the stairs. Well played Santa.."

"An alarm clock that sends the person you like one of your deleted mirror pictures every time you hit the snooze button."

"What do you call a camel with three humps? Pregnant"

"What's it called when you commission someone to make an animated image for your girlfriend but he pockets the money and disappears? A gf gif gift grift"

"To me, girls are like porta-potties. The hotter they are, the less likely I am to get inside of them."

"The American stock market is a bear BULL shit"

"I was a pizza delivery guy once, but only for a day. They gave me 12 pizzas to deliver and I just never came back."

"my phone keeps capitalizing my lols like i'm some kind of suburban mom with highlights and bedazzled jeans."

"There's a faggot in the trunk of my car. There were too many sticks in my front yard, so I'm dumping them in the woods."

"I just sold some Viagra to a guy who thought it was Adderall. He's going to have a very hard test tomorrow."