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Joke of the Day

"I was alone, depressed and suicidal around Christmas time and decided to call the suicide prevention hotline ""Sorry but all of our employees are happily spending Christmas with their loving families"""

"I asked my friend why i have a thing for short Asian girls. he said ""its because you want them to call you Godzilla in bed"""

"I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way. Through the driver's door."

"Autocorrect, no matter how many times I tell you, I don't want anyone's duck in my can't."

"What do you call phrases that Jews often say? Judaisms."

"I don't care if you stop reading after 80 characters. I'm using all 140, even if what I say makes no sense at all. Oh also, your mom's a who"

"How does the man in the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it."

"Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's very time-consuming."

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur. Licktalottapuss."

"My favorite workout is a mix between a lunge and a crunch, I call it lunch."