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Joke of the Day

"You gotta give it up to whoever invented mistletoe at Christmas, all they did was hang up a weed, but were like, ""now ye must kiss me."""

"When I was young, at bedtimes... My mum used to tell me fairy stories with a happy ending. Just one of the benefits of having a masseuse as a parent I guess."

"What's the difference between eating out pussy and drinking American Beer? Pussy only tastes like piss in the beginning."

"I met a one-legged woman outside of a club the other day. She was a bouncer."

"You could introduce a raccoon to a walrus as ""my Grandpa Steven,"" and neither would bat an eye. THAT'S WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT ANIMALS."

"How can you tell if Trump is lying? His lips move. How can you tell if Clinton is lying? [deleted]"

"Do lady dolphins ever get tattoos of 19-yr-old community college students?"

"Girls and square roots have one thing in common... If they are under 13, do 'em in your head."

"What's the cheapest meat? Deer balls. They're under a buck."

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don't, they just shoot the room for being black."