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Joke of the Day

"An app that detects itself running on other people's phones, then both devices play Random Encounter music. What happens next is up to you."

"How come its okay to tackle someone who wants to jump in front of a train but its unacceptable to slap a Big Mac out of their fat face."

"Is it a blow job or a blowjob? Fuck I hate writing thank you cards..."

"I spilled a whole case of forks today..... ...you could say I forked up real bad"

"I found out today why my father never came home from the store.. The store had a no-return policy"

"Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe? More often than not, they were called ""peasants"""

"If the entire observable universe was located inside an impossibly large man named Bob... then 9/11 was inside bob."

"I knew early on my marriage was doomed. I'm a Virgo and she's a bitch..."

"What does Melania call it when Donald takes Viagra? A rigged erection."

"Every time I open my mouth, some idiot starts talking."