130310

Joke of the Day

"My neighbour was about to lose his house. So i decided to organise a neighbourhood wide charity orgy to help him. It was truly awe inspiring to see the whole neighbourhood come together like that."

"PILOT: if you look out the window you'll see we're cruising at 35,000 feet [i look out the window] [THE SKY IS FULL OF FEET JESUS CHRIST]"

"BOSS: I don't know if you're the right man for the job BAKER: NO PLEASE *holds up dough* I KNEAD THIS"

"Lord, protect me from my friends, I can take care of my enemies."

"What language are you speaking? Cause it sounds like bullshit."

"Bees Did you guys hear about the new, milk-making bees they found in Africa? They're called boo bees."

"I wanted to tell you a joke about selfishness. But I'll keep this one for myself."

"just ran into my high school biology teacher. she said ""i figured you'd have cured cancer by now."" then i washed bird shit off her tahoe"

"TIL you can determine the sex of an ant by dropping it in water Sinks - girl ant Floats - boy ant"

"My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up on her. Also the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend."