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Joke of the Day

"Guys, don't ever tell a girl that she's yummier than a gummy bear, she'll know it's not true because nothing is yummier than a gummy bear."

"To /r/news China just called, they want their censorship back."

"I offered a homeless man the rest of my Pumpkin Spiced Latte.. He said ""No thanks. I'm homeless, not a fag."""

"If Ice T got killed He'd be called Iced T."

"We saw a patient in the emergency room today... He had fallen into an upholstering machine. It was touch and go for a while but... &nbsp; ...he's fully recovered."

"The age old question... The age old question, if I paint my car black will it stop working or will it run faster?"

"One. How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb."

"Two muffins are baking in the oven. One looks at the other and says ""it sure is getting hot in here, whew!"" The other muffin looks back and says ""Holy Shit! A talking muffin!"""

"Polio walks into a bar and no one walks out."

"I gave my cat a bath the other day... he liked it, but the fur stuck to my tongue."