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Joke of the Day

"There are hundreds of ways to make a woman happy and only one to make a man happy: LEAVE HIM ALONE."

"When Mr Maxwell's wife left him he couldn't sleep. Why was that? She had taken the bed."

"Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead."

"I just saw two blind and deaf lesbians walking down the street with their hands down one anothers knickers.....I think they were lip reading?"

"ME: Sorry boss, I can't make it in today. Because of Ebola. BOSS: You have Ebola? ME: No but someone does and I am FREAKING THE HELL OUT"

"What do you call a jihadi that owns both a goat and a donkey? Bisexual."

"A priest, rapist and pedophile enter a bar. ^^^A ^^^priest, ^^^rapist ^^^and ^^^pedophile ^^^enter ^^^a ^^^bar. He orders a beer."

"My GPA is underwater I Guess you could say it's below C-level"

"A man tells his wife...... Husband: Hey, you and I should make a sex tape! For the future! Wife: Ehhhhh........ It'd be more like a vine."

"The average American male... has a 5"" penis but says it's 7"". Anyways, close enough....or a perfect 5/7 story?"