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Joke of the Day

"[first day as London tour guide] And over there is the Tower of [frantically flips through guide book for like 20 minutes] Eiffel."

"Why is the beef in Colorado so good? Because the steaks are high."

"Why do straight white girls always hang out in odd numbers? Because they literally can't even Like. Omg."

"News Just In:More pictures leaked,the world rejoices...Iran uses oppertunity to attack Lets not get complacent,your lives could depend on it."

"Why did the man get excited when he had sex with a pregnant woman? He could tell all his friends he had a threesome!"

"*Meanwhile at a restaurant* Waiter: Welcome sir, would you like a table? Me: So kind of you, I wouldn't mind. *Picks table and walks out*"

"Black Ice Slipped on ice today. Didnt know it was black ice until my wallet was gone."

"Ex-Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher has died following a stroke but why she was following it, nobody knows."

"RIP Robin Williams I dont think hes coming back through a board game this time though"

"I hate when I put food in the microwave and it starts making explosive noises so I check and it's still cold. Why you gotta be so childish?"